I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
