I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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