oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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