im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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