she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
