you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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