That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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