Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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