Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Soap is not a condiment
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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