Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
