I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
