sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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