You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
