whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
