dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
