My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
