Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm really busy with my period
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