drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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