If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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