i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
