I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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