alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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