tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
