He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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