trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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