Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
