Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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