There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
