You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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