She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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