just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
