is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
