This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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