Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
