I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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