the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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