He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
