I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
