I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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