Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
