i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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