Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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