i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
