Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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