It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
