It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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