something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
