Your tits are I can't wait for
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
