Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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