Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
