dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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