her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you will always have a special place in my vag
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
