Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
